Shamelessly Sheryl

Something for the Singles…

Contrary to how I present myself on this blog and in the past three years, I will always feel like a single, in my heart. I chalk that up to being decidedly QUITE SINGLE throughout my teens and my 20’s—-I knew deep down that I wasn’t ready yet to settle down with anyone, merely because I wanted to spend my early years exploring new folks, trying out various possibilities, and learning from both my mistakes and successes. I think it’s an odd twist of fate that I happened to meet Al merely two days before my 30th birthday, but he’s the best birthday present I’ve ever received by far and he couldn’t have met me at a more perfect time.

That being said, I clearly remember how tough it is to be alone on the holidays. Yes, the freedom of doing what you like and being on your own schedule is always nice, but the benefits of having a special someone to share these days are always worth the compromise. And I clearly remember a few teary-eyed and lonely holiday moments of bitterly wondering if I would ever stumble upon someone special…nevertheless, I wish more gals realized that not every guy has to be “the one”, and that you can simply date and enjoy the company of a nice fellow without that added pressure—-casually dating always prepares you for steadily enjoying ”the one”, after all.

I thought this reflection below had such a beautiful message, especially for all my single friends during what can be a very lonely time. “The One” isn’t supposed to be sheer perfection, but a mere gift of circumstance—-just keep yourself open and ready for this gift in whatever package it’s presented. For instance, I never would’ve dreamed that a guy like Al would be “the one” for me. But when I let go of any preconceived notions or stale preferences and allowed myself to give him a fair chance, I realized how happy he truly he made me in so many ways. He was the first man who ever truly made me realize in every way, “Yep, he is the one.” And when you can feel that way in complete certainty, it’s the greatest gift you can ever give yourself, hands down.

jaclynday:

How do you know when you have met the one?

I guess that’s the million dollar question, right? And to complicate matters further: there’s the stories of people remarrying after a spouse died and purporting the fact that you can indeed have more than one soul mate.
I think that a lot of women get trapped into idealizing their future spouse. He must be this tall, this intelligent, this accomplished, this wealthy and so on and so forth. It becomes “I want to meet the one, but only if he has these qualities.”
I think that in order to be truly happy in a relationship, you have to throw preconceived ideas out the window entirely. Yes, physical attraction and an emotional “connection” are important, but so is happiness. So is contentment. So is the next 60-80 years of your life.
Here’s what I think: you’ve met the one when you are happy. Realistically so. When you can look someone else in the face and see their flaws AND what you love about them, you’re off to a strong start. If you’ve met “the one,” you won’t be fooling yourself into thinking that major problems will go away with marriage or with time. You’ll acknowledge that there are things that you need to work on and that he/she needs to work on, but it’s not deal-breaking. It’s encouraging. You can work through these things together! That’s the attitude that signals a good start.

Imagine your loved one has been completely ravaged in some tragic accident. Maybe they are burned beyond recognition. Maybe they can’t feed themselves, walk, work. Would you still stay with them? Is your love deep enough that everything cliched about a relationship can fall away and what still remains is you and him/her? And you’d be satisfied with that? Yes, it would be hard: but would you stay? Would your significant other stay? If your answer is yes, maybe you’ve found the one.